Ingersoll, the “Great Agnostic,” presented his wish list a few years before he died. I think I would like to have some of these things too. How about you?
“What I Want for Christmas”
Robert Green Ingersoll (1833-1899)
“IF I had the power to produce exactly what I want for next Christmas, I would have all the kings and emperors resign and allow the people to govern themselves. I would have all the nobility drop their titles and give their lands back to the people. I would have the Pope throw away his tiara, take off his sacred vestments, and admit that he is not acting for God—is not infallible—but is just an ordinary [human being]. I would have all the cardinals, archbishops, bishops, priests and clergymen admit that they know nothing about theology, nothing about hell or heaven, nothing about the destiny of the human race, nothing about devils or ghosts, gods or angels. I would have them tell all their “flocks” to think for themselves, to be manly men and womanly women, and to do all in their power to increase the sum of human happiness. I would have all the professors in colleges, all the teachers in schools of every kind, including those in Sunday schools, agree that they would teach only what they know, that they would not palm off guesses as demonstrated truths. I would like to see all the politicians changed to statesmen,—to men who long to make their country great and free,—to men who care more for public good than private gain—men who long to be of use. I would like to see all the editors of papers and magazines agree to print the truth and nothing but the truth, to avoid all slander and misrepresentation, and to let the private affairs of the people alone. I would like to see drunkenness and prohibition both abolished. I would like to see corporal punishment done away with in every home, in every school, in every asylum, reformatory, and prison. Cruelty hardens and degrades, kindness reforms and ennobles. I would like to see the millionaires unite and form a trust for the public good. I would like to see a fair division of profits between capital and labor, so that the toiler could save enough to mingle a little June with the December of his life. I would like to see an international court established in which to settle disputes between nations, so that armies could be disbanded and the great navies allowed to rust and rot in perfect peace. I would like to see the whole world free—free from injustice—free from superstition.
This will do for next Christmas. The following Christmas, I may want more.”
—The Arena, Boston, December, 1897
Friendly Freethinker 
Hey Chris, Sending you Holiday greetings and cheer from Canada. I think that Mr. Ingersoll had a wish list that was so threatening to god he wouldn’t let him live. BTW I bought an original edition of his Ingersollia at an antique bookstore in San Fran where you used to live. I read it almost every week, He is most articulate.
I’m with you, Marty. I’ll be teaching another class on RGI this coming spring. His voice of Reason still echoes through the dark hallways of theology and out into the light of day. Solstice Cheer to you and yours!
I found a document at the Ingersoll Center in upstate New York, that indicated he made several trips to Toronto and one out here to Victoria. The story as it unravels indicate that they borrowed a barn to hold the talk and by mistake someone kicked a lamp or tossed a cigarette into a hot fuel corner while preparing and the barn caught fire. After they put it out, they held the rally and lecture in the same barn that now had no roof and a few windows burnt out. It actually got bigger after the fire and they had several thousand attend the meeting. I don’t imagine that RGI brought the house down with a joke about “fire and brimstone” but I won’t have put it past him. This was in the 1880’s and I buried the digital note and not sure where I can find it but the Institute I believe has a copy. All the best and maybe if I read a great quip from the book if you don’t already have it already, I will send it to you.
That’s interesting, Marty. My wife and I visited the Ingersoll birthplace museum in Dresden, NY and saw many of these kinds of historical items. Quite an amazing “showman” for common sense.
Thanks so much for sharing this, Chris. Count me all in. Alas, we still have such a long long way to go.
Yes, we do, Frank, and good to know Ingersoll “prepared the way” for the “coming of Reason.”
Excellent!
I certainly agree, thanks.
This couldn’t have been said better!